August 13, 2017 Day 66
Like I said in my last post I did not fall asleep until around 03:00 am and when I did I had nightmares that someone was tearing my camper apart. When I woke up at 07:00 I felt tired and depressed. I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and make this day go away. My eyes were heavy and swollen, I still was not hungry and I was irritated at myself more than anything for waiting for a phone call I knew wasn't going to come and wasting my time and energy on someone who frankly no longer deserved it.
To my complete surprise, I received the phone call I had been waiting for around noon. How to describe the conversation. I guess I can begin with how that person acted like nothing was going on and that it was just another day, another phone call to make. They didn't even bring up what all my text and voice mails had been about and I had to be the one to mention it. Basically, all I wanted to know was when this decision was made without me and why the hell I wasn't informed but strung along instead with the hope that we still had a friendship. In essence, I never really got an explanation at all just that it was never a "conscious" decision they just got busy and never thought about me. In less than five minutes our conversation was over and a friendship was ended.
I could go on and on about how I feel and question what happened for it came completely out of left field. Instead, I want to thank that person. You have made me a stronger person, a person who will no longer trust so easily nor give my heart away again nor be conned into any sort of false hope or lies again. What we had at the beginning to me was special but I will no longer dwell on the past. This journey is about me finding myself and becoming a stronger person and an even stronger woman. As I hung up the phone, I was sad and I will admit I cried until my body hurt and the tears would no longer fall and I became numb to it all. I spoke for a long time with my friend Josh about it all and he was able to distract me and put me in a better mood. As our conversation ended, I drank the rest of the beers I had and though I had hoped to get drunk I didn't even get a buzz. But in that time, I came to a conclusion.
Tomorrow is a new day. The day after tomorrow is also a new day and thus forth. From here on out I am only going to focus on bettering myself. I will no longer dwell on the things I can not change. I will no longer let others hurt me. I will no longer give my heart away. I will become stronger. I will eat healthier. I will exercise my body every day and I will become the person I am meant to be. From here on out I am focusing on me and what is best for me. Tomorrow is a new day, a new start, a day to make a change and see it through to the end. Tomorrow.
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